(1) Should I have a second child?
While I am at the topic of first trimester pregnancy let me put forward my views on having a second child.
I have 2 children,the older is now a 19yr old young man and the younger is 17 year old daughter.
Time has flown by in a wink!
I STILL REMEMBER THE DAYS I DIDN’T SLEEP A WINK!
My personal view is that either you should have no kids or have 2 kids.
Your first child is for your joy. The second one is for joy of your firstborn .
Every day in my practice I meet scores of parents who are adamant on having one child. Their argument is that – we want to give our best to this child. To this argument – I want to give all I can to this baby ……. I say you are NOT giving ALL to this child . Even if you do all you can, you can’t give your best to this child.
Where are you giving this child the love,the hate,the competition of a sibling.
There is NO lifelong rivalry like that of a sibling
There is no lifetime caring except that by a sibling
Also the sibling teaches you to care and share and compete ( and in all fairness win at all cost)
I can for sure vouch that in my experience it took me lesser effort to get my children to do lot of things as I placed them up against each other, albeit subtly.
Allow me to elaborate……..
At the age of eight my son took up learning to play the guitar. In a few weeks he lost interest as it was a lot of hardwork. Now instead of arguing and coercing him into playing I enrolled my younger one to take guitar lessons. Soon she started strumming a few jingles.soon she started playing in front of anyone willing to listen , she started to get all the attention!! That was it !
My son soon started learning and playing better than her. And rest is history….
The key I feel is in having 2 kids not very far apart. Of course it depends on the mothers physical well being. Your doctor could decide if you are FIT to undergo a second pregnancy but only you can decide if you WISH to have a second baby.
Each individual has to assess their own circumstances and decide the right time.
(3) Difficulties of a 2nd pregnancy
- First year upon the arrival of a 2nd child is really difficult. As you already had your plate full and you have taken on more.
- Breastfeeding takes up a lot of time.
- Your dividing time between 2 children now.
- You are tired to the bone.
(4) How to deal with (3)
- Learn to breastfeed your younger one and hand over to a caregiver either mother,mother in law or househelps ( make sure whoever handles your baby is having a daily bath and wearing clean clothes and not having any communicable diseases).
- Give most of your attention to older one.
- Spend quality time with your older one and spouse.
- Spruce up and pamper yourself. At the first opportunity get a massage, a pedicure,a hair spa.
(5) Advantages of having a second child
- If first child was 100%work 2nd is only 50%work.
- Older child suddenly matures after the younger one comes home. It is an amazing effortless transition.
- Second one grows up as well if not better in half the material resources and almost no expenses ( as most things bought for the elder child is useful for the second).
- For your first born it was only you and your spouse looking out ,the younger one has an additional pair of eyes looking out for him/her ,the older sibling
Finally ,if you look around children are more and more busy with their gadgets. Lot of children are very lonely. Parents have given lots of material happiness but no happy material for the child. Don’t get caught in this rat race of only earning more and more without actually getting your child “world ready”