Children of all ages are capable of jealousy. Parents beware your First born was the centre of your universe until…………………..the Second one came almost unannounced (and encroached on the space that exclusively belonged to the older one.) The older child suddenly sees all the focus shifting from him/ her to the second child. It is a HUGE upheaval in the life of the older child!! Suddenly the child feels threatened by this INTRUSION.
Dr Rekha’s Recommendations
1) If the child is old enough to understand start discussing about a new baby coming home and call it your little baby brother or your little baby sister.
2)After the baby arrives one must call it as the older ones sister or brother as in if your older child’s name is Akaash then the baby should be called Akaash’s sister or brother.
3) All gifts brought by guests for the little one should be given to the older one for his sister or brother
4)keep prepacked gifts ready to hand to older one ,if guests only bring gift for the newborn ,so the older one does not feel left out.
5)You may allow the older one to choose what the baby will wear and allow him to take MAJOR decisions like whether to powder the baby or not
6)It is ok to criticise the newborn in the presence of the older one such as he/ she cries too much ,is always crying and sticking to the mother . In this way we can make the older one feel secure once he feels that the newborn is NO COMPETITION for him/her life becomes easier. Once the older one feels that the newborn is a harmless creature and parents love him as much as they used to before the new arrival he will stop worrying.
However never let your guard down. NEVER EVER NEVER EVER write it down a hundred times NEVER EVER under any circumstances tell the older one ” you are older you must understand ” Never ever!!!!!! It is not the child’s fault that he/ she was born first He/she didn’t ask for it or was not responsible for being born before so why hold him responsible and hold it against him
It is a weapon most parents use and it is regrettable. CHILDREN ARE A JOY and so that they remain that way please parents do not reprimand them in public.
What I found works well is if you see any other child behaving badly just express that you are so glad your child is not behaving similarly. That you would be so embarrassed if your child behaved like that. Somehow this always works. At the same time do not shield your child ‘s misdoings and don’t cover up his misdeeds.
Whatever you do you will have your flaws. Don’t be ashamed you are only human………………..God made you that way!